Satchels of Gold!?!?!

Wow! I've finally watched the past two episodes of The Real Housewives of New York. All there really is to say is wow. Kelly is certifiably CRAZY!!! Here's a little recap of the events that unfolded leading me to the conclusion that she is completely and utterly nuts...

These two episodes covered the trip that Ramona invited the girls on to celebrate the renewing of her vows. I thought it was pretty nice of her to take them on this all expense paid luxury vacation. Obviously, Bravo took this opportunity to share their favorite recipe for disaster/insane stew. Ingredients: Ramona, Alex, Sonja, Bethenny and Kelly. Directions: Place all ingredients on a beautiful vacation and wait for Kelly to boil. I have noticed for a while that Kelly says things that don't necessarily make sense or fit the context of the conversations going on around her, so I wasn't too surprised at the first thing she said on episode one of this trip. Bethenny was joking when Ramona wanted some wine by saying that she would stomp the grapes in the fridge for her. Seemingly normal comment, huh? Well, not to the Paula Abdul of the Housewives. Kelly goes on the defensive, saying that Bethenny was not allowed to stomp the grapes, because she wanted to eat them. That was just weird. Then as the other women try to explain Bethenny's joke, Kelly tells them that they are making lemonade out of lemons. Huh? Did she mean a mountain out of a mole hill? At this point, she is obviously getting frazzled over the fact that her craziness is beginning to show, so what does she do? She calls ALL the women (not sure what the rest of them did to her) demented and creepy. Was the word creepy really appropriate. The only thing creepy was how all the other women should feel going to bed at night with that lunatic loose on the boat. Then comes my favorite part of this episode, Kelly slams into the door while trying to storm off. I love that Bethenny says, "The humor of that was not lost on me." She has the funniest one-liners.

We kick off episode two of Ramona's trip with Kelly telling Bethenny that she is a cook, not a chef. As Bethenny defends herself by saying that she went to culinary school, Kelly starts saying that Bethenny is a ho bag. She also says that she doesn't actually know whether Bethenny is a cook or a chef. Ummm??? Then why say it? She's nuts, that's why. As the other ladies try to defend Bethenny once again, Kelly does the logical thing. Apologize? You may ask. Nope! She says "Satchels of Gold" under her breath. Well, that's just plain odd. (Also odd, what was up with her and the candy throughout these episodes?) I think at this point, the women just decide to let that one slide. I mean, there are so many to choose from, why pick apart EVERY comment? Speaking of comments, the next thing Kelly does is ask the ladies to write down every complaint that they have, then throw it away. This is clearly a woman who is out of touch with reality and wants to stay that way.

On a positive note, there was a small moment where I thought Kelly might temporarily regain her sanity. When she offered to do the photo shoot for Ramona, I thought this was very sweet of her. Being in her element did actually seem to make her more pleasant. Pleasant that is until Alex's turn to take some pictures. Ok, Alex did have a kind of serious look on her face, but for Kelly to say she was trying to come at her. That's just plain weird and paranoid. Then again, she did say that Alex channels the devil on the previous night. When they get back, they see that Bethenny had brought gift bags. That was pretty nice of her, huh? Well, Vicki the Victim was offended by it. She said it rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe it's just me, but a bag of free stuff has never rubbed me the wrong way.

Moving on to dinner that Bethenny (the cook) prepared for the ladies. Kelly reveals that she feels Bethenny is trying to kill her and sabotage her in the press. This just isn't rational, but wait, it gets way worse. She then accuses Alex of being a vampire. I love how the women tried to get her to make sense of this comment. She claims that Alex revealed the message to Jill with heavy black eye makeup and a pale white face. When the women asked if this meant she was in costume, she said yes. It starts to become very laughable/sad at this point. It's pretty clear she needs to see someone. The night ends with her telling everyone else to zip it and other nonsensical things, so the women decide to stop picking on her. They finally realized this woman had some actual serious problems. I mean what is wrong with her? This can only be made crazier with Jill's surprise visit next week. I love how she's so delusional that she thinks everyone will delighted to see her. I, for one, cannot wait to see the drama unfold. Until then, satchels of gold for everyone!